David Perlmutter
And here's the eulogy that Genesia and I delivered:
Eulogy for Franklin Perlmutter
By David Perlmutter and Genesia Perlmutter Kamen
David) Franklin Louis Perlmutter was born on November 4th, 1958, in Newark, NJ. He lived his first few years there, joined by Genesia in 1960 and me in 1962. Frank’s first word was lawnmower, which was prescient, as riding lawnmowers, tractors and snowplows became lifelong passions of Frank’s. We were close in age, and always companionable, with the normal quotient of sibling rivalry. Our parents, Harriet and Milton Perlmutter, built an incredible mid-century modern house in Short Hills, which we moved to in 1963.
Genesia) Everyday we walked through the woods to get to Hartshorn Elementary School. It was uphill both ways, through five feet of snow, even in the summer. Then we ran home for lunch so that we could watch The Munsters, Bewitched and I Dream of Jeanie on our black and white TV while we ate. Frank started at Millburn Junior High School, but our parents weren’t happy with it. They wanted Frank to go to The Pingry School, but he didn’t want to leave his friends. However, Frank really wanted a mini bike like the other boys in the neighborhood. This led to Frank’s first successful major negotiation, the purchase of a Honda 70 mini bike in return for his acquiescence to switching to Pingry.
D) During his high school years, Frank developed into an incredible leader. He became the president of the B’nai Jeshurun Temple Youth Group and later president of the statewide Jersey Federation of Temple Youth. It was in this environment that his leadership style took root, flourishing in later years at IMB. So many of you have told us that you worked with Frank on a committee, how he loved to get people involved, and how much he contributed to the community. One friend wrote: “I never heard him say a negative word about any of us, and we lived up to that mark of acceptance --- following his example.” Frank saw the good in people and always made them feel good about themselves.
G) Upon graduation from Pingry in 1976, Frank was a male pioneer at Vassar College in Poughkeepsie, spending his junior year at the MIT Sloan School of Business. After graduating from Vassar, Frank went to work for an advertising agency, but quickly realized he was not cut out to be a Mad Man.
During the summer of 1982, while David and I were traveling in France, we met with our long time family friend Jean Hass, with whose family we had a unique international exchange. Jean was the head of a French supermarket company and a great friend of our father’s. When he heard Frank was looking for a job, he said (with heavy French accent) “Why does he not go work for me at my new Cub store in Madison, WI?” We thought it was a great idea and so did Frank. Within a few weeks, he moved to Madison WI to work at Cub Foods. At the store, there was a beautiful blue-eyed young woman working as a front-end manager. Jean’s son, Philippe, who was also working at the store, bet Frank that he couldn’t get a date with her. In October, I went to visit Frank in Madison. Liz and Frank had just been dating for two weeks but he told me, “If this keeps going the way it’s going, I can see marrying her.” They were engaged by Thanksgiving, and were married seven months later on June 18, 1983 in Liz’s hometown of Rhinelander, WI.
Frank was the coolest big brother. He was so popular, and we always wanted to hang around him and his friends. He had positions of authority and everyone looked up to him. On top of that, Frank was extra cool because he was in a band. Whether it was planning for a JFTY conclave or band practice, our basement was headquarters central and was always filled with Frank’s friends. In college, he continued to be a popular leader and the life of the party. As one friend told us, “he always walked the campus with a crowd.”
When I went to college, I asked my big brother for advice. I have tried to live by this advice and I share it with you today. Frank told me, “Don’t do anything stupid.”
D) Growing up, our father gave us chores and projects to do. It could be as simple as raking leaves to something much more complicated like building a dock on our pond in Pennsylvania. When Frank and I worked on something, he was the master craftsman and I was the assistant. One day, holding the shovel for the thousandth time while he swept the dirt, I threw down the shovel and said “it’s your turn to hold the shovel.” Frank paused for a moment and picked up the shovel and handed me the broom. Frank loved to be the leader, but there was no job that was beneath him. Anyone who worked with Frank on the Boosters knows that he was equally happy to be raising money as he was flipping burgers in the snack shack.
Many of our best childhood family times took place at our family’s country house in Bucks County, PA. We had a tiny 200-year-old stone farmhouse where we gathered with our aunts, uncles and cousins, especially during winter vacation. All the boys slept in the 3rd floor loft. We had to climb a ladder to get there, and Frank was the organizer of the “third floorie stories”. Our Grandma Bella never left the kitchen area, preparing meals for 16, along with our mother and aunts. At the Pennsylvania house, Frank continued his love for lawn mowers and tractors. We had a caretaker named Les Bodder who every few years would cut back the hedges and Frank always loved saying that the hedges should be cut back so they would be less bodder. All of the cousins are here today along with their children. We are all still so close and part of the reason is that Frank started a private group for us on FaceBook called Bella’s Boys and Girls where we share memories from our childhood.
G) Since the news of Frank’s death began to spread on Friday, we’ve heard from many of his high school and college friends. What we heard about Frank’s heart, inclusiveness and leadership is consistent with the outpouring of love we’ve heard from the Sherborn community.
One friend wrote “I moved to Short Hills in the middle of the school year in 8th grade. I was so nervous on my first day. I walked into class. The teacher introduced me and sat me next to Frank. He was my first friend. He immediately made me feel at home and then introduced me to his friends and the rest is a beautiful history of our friendship during those years.” I’m sure many of you have a similar story about how Frank made you feel welcome.
D) We were fortunate to enjoy numerous family vacations when we were growing up. We went to Bermuda, where our parents honeymooned, Israel, France, Switzerland, and Austria. Our travels continued after college with many ski weekends, visits to Martha’s Vineyard, and above all, our trip to Italy in the summer of 1982. That was the year Frank’s Italian alter ego, Franco Perlini, was born. Franco loved driving the twisting mountain roads and hurtling down the Autostrada at great speed. There were four of us in a small Italian car, stopping overnight in cities and hillside towns, and only Franco Perlini was allowed to sandwich our four suitcases into the tiny trunk. Expert packing was a skill that Frank carried forward into numerous family vacations with Liz and the kids. Franco Perlini also showed up at the Perlmutter home in Sherborn anytime Frank thought it necessary to refer to himself in the third person, especially when he was cooking delicious Italian meals.
One of our most memorable recent trips was to Puerto Rico to celebrate Mom’s 80th birthday where all 16 of us were attendance.
Frank was the first of us to get married and have children. He and Liz were model parents to Michael, Andrew and Julia. We are so grateful to Liz and Frank for all they taught us about parenting. We’re so proud of you, Michael, Andrew and Julia, and know that we will always be there for you.
G) Even though the three of us were busy over the last two decades raising our families, we treasured the times we got to spend together. During the past few years we were fortunate to spend even more time together. Three recent highlights are cousin Otto’s 2014 wedding in Durango, Colorado where hordes of us descended for an amazing weekend in the mountains, a lecture in memory of our father at our synagogue in March, and most recently a wonderful Passover celebration at my house in South Orange. We are so grateful that we had these times together, and we have the photographs on Facebook to prove it. Thank goodness for social media! Frank, we love you and will miss you forever and you will always be in our hearts.
D) Even though I'm the younger brother, I’d like to have the last word, Genesia. Lawnmower!